Wednesday, December 31, 2008
I thought i was standing strong.
I thought I could do it all.
But man i was wrong.
I slowly slip and fall.
I melt at the slightest touch
And I hate it very much
how you affect me
It feels like i'm easy.
whenever you're around me
my heart keeps tumbling down.
whenever you're with other guys
i never make a sound
but i just wanna let it out
tell you how i'm feeling
but i you'll never understand
you'll just look past it.
afique juan ♥
10:20 PM
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Friday, December 26, 2008
Is there another name for love?
Cause I don't wish to blame love for my heart breaks.
I don't wish to blame people for hurting me.
Cause they never meant to do so.
Who then do I blame?
how could love be love if it hurts?
Maybe Love is made up.
Like Fairy tales and 75% off Chanel sales.
Do I blame myself?
But what for?
For the fun of self-affliction?
For the lovely attention?
So not worth my time.
afique juan ♥
7:14 AM
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Doesn't it feel like everybody is gone.
Nobody is in your orbit
No one is not insane
Everyone has lost it
Don't you see the space that grows.
The vacancy between you and me
with the gap, silence follows.
Affecting our relationship.
No one held to their promises.
Doesn't it feel like you're all alone.
No one is there by your side
After the last dove has flown.
No man is an island.
He can never be soo pure.
No one can.
afique juan ♥
7:13 AM
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Doesn't it feel like everybody is gone.
Nobody is in your orbit
No one is not insane
Everyone has lost it
Don't you see the space that grows.
The vacancy between you and me
with the gap, silence follows.
Affecting our relationship.
No one held to their promises.
Doesn't it feel like you're all alone.
No one is there by your side
After the last dove has flown.
No man is an island.
He can never be soo pure.
No one can.
afique juan ♥
7:13 AM
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leading me on was the only thing
you knew how to do
no matter how hard you tried to stop
you still continued.
nobody knows but me
how hard your strike is.
nobody knows but me
how hurtful you could be.
As i sink into insecurity.
My strenghts weakening.
My energy draining.
My heart failing.
Failing to feel.
Failing to love.
Failing to trust.
Failing to be.
As i get comfortable.
Cosy in this emptiness.
Lounging in silence.
Waiting for "nothing" to happen.
afique juan ♥
1:15 AM
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Thursday, December 25, 2008
As we try to comprehend the realities of life.And breakaway from wishful thinking in which we reside.As we free ourselves from dreams and forgo a realm of insanity.We take the steps of fear, scared and afraid of the world.
Can I stay in this Creative chaos? It feels safer and I wont feel lost.
Is there a place of solace.A place where happiness will feel alright? Where no guilt weighs on my conscience nor my life.
afique juan ♥
2:34 AM
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You shout and you scream
you think you're always right.
You say I'm soft and I'm frail.
But lets see who will win this fight
You say I'm weak and dependent
But look who is crawling back.
You're stuck in the middle
you turn back to see
that i have a leash around your neck.
baby you gotta move on.
blink twice and
you see you holding the leash instead.
you needn't help me through the storm
cause you're probably the reason all along.
you needn't hug me when i cry
cause you most likely to be the reason why.
you needn't help me up when i fall
cause i can do it all,
without you.
afique juan ♥
2:34 AM
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why are you so rough
where is your grace as the woman that you are
why are you so abrupt
breaking my slumber with beats of thunder.
I cant help but literally feel tossed around.
I'm breaking slowly with every word you scream.
I just need some time to think.
Your cynical jokes hurt more than they seem
I'm searching for the Nora from brothers & sisters
But all I get is a Jail warden from River State prison
afique juan ♥
2:33 AM
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It's so unexpected.
My life is now changed.
I fall into denial.
My heart filled with pain.
Parts of my life,
So unexplained.
As if edited,
Only the drama remains
It's so unexpected.
As i scroll down the page,
Screens of fantasies.
I see my own face.
A small agenda.
An unplanned rendezvous.
With the world as my stage,
they see the things that i do.
It's so unexpected.
A place far from home.
all of my sexcapades,
is now for show.
Available on www.xtube.com.
PSYCH!
afique juan ♥
2:32 AM
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Can i live and not be sober?
Can i be high in the clouds?
Breathe in fairy powder.
In la la land and candy town.
Can i dwell in all my fantasies,
and sink into my sins?
Can i sleep with anonymous people?
get a tattoo and some piercings?
As i land on hunky haven,
and restore my yin and yang.
I get ready for the next session.
Candy floss now in my hand.
I awake from my deep slumber.
your number written on my thigh.
I noticed that I've not be sober
for really, quite sometime.
afique juan ♥
2:29 AM
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Sunday, December 14, 2008
Buck
You claim i speak of lies.
Along with the sins bad people do.
You saw no amount of tears i cried,
when you spoke of some one new.
Did you not see what laid bare before you?
Did you not notice the clarity of the status quo?
Clouded by insecurities.Your whole life a facade.
Enhanced and Edited like how you wanted it to be.
You were the eye at every corner.
You were the spy behind every turn.
You quit something You never tried
Please see how your life is a lie.
I’m no longing hanging onto you.
You muscle-bodied timidity.
I’m no longer thinking bout You.
You possessive Buck.
afique juan ♥
5:21 AM
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Tuesday, December 2, 2008
I call em like I see em
the writer wrote his stories,
& the student read his notes.
as the scent of coffee fluttered,
they looked up amazed.
when their eyes met,
they couldnt look away.
The dark brown hair,
and deep set eyes,
the arched brows.
the writer studied the student,
and read him like a book.
the writer had emotions,
he never had before.
the writer felt feelings,
only his characters bore.
He saw through those eyes an innocent boy.
who needed protection from the world’s evil coy.
He wants to embrace and secure.hug and cherish.
love and conquer. He wants to but can’t do…
————————————————————————————-
if it hurts you for me to be me,
i think its best i take my things and leave.
at least i know.
i’m not causing any pain.
at least i know.
i’m not bringing you shame.
afique juan ♥
9:44 PM
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Mirror...
as i walked towards the mirror,
i come every step nearer,
to see the shirt fall off my shoulders,
leaving me only in boxers.
as i looked into the mirror,
i could see the funny figures.
shilouettes of handprints and kisses,
on my neck and around my nipples.
now i stared into the mirror.
seeing the marks outlined by colour.
I knew my body had been tainted.
like a white canves being painted.
as i took off my knickers,
and walked into the shower.
trying to scrub my history.
the mirror holds my mystery.
afique juan ♥
9:40 PM
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